Single Parent Household (Psychological Warfare)

Am I good enough? Am I deserving of anything good to come my way? Who am I really not having a father in my life? Did he know something about me before I even grew up? Did he not love me enough to be apart of my life? My father's never been my father he's just the guy who married my mother and had a child with her. On the other hand I can't say that I hate him. I can't say that I don't love him. The one man in my life that should've been in my life but was absent like a child who decides school isn't for them. Instead of correcting his errors and deciding to be apart of my life he decided I wasn't important enough to be there for. My mother raised me and made me into the man I am today while my father has nothing to do with me besides giving me my middle and last name. I will ultimately change my name because of it. How can I care so much about a person who never cared about me? How can I have love for someone who never showed me any love. I've always wanted your acceptance. I've always wanted your guidance and your knowledge to help me become a better man. You decided I wasn't worth your time. Your marriage with my mother ended just after I was born but under no circumstance should your relationship with me should have ever ended. But good did come out of it because I know now how to never be towards the children I will have. I know how important having a father figure is so my children will not have to go through what you've put me through. My children will not question why my father isn't there for me because I will always be there for them. You've made me a stronger man even though you never intended to do so. You've helped me find my inner strength even though that was never your intention. I thank you for that my absentee father. R.I.P. Melbourne Lewis my should have been dad.