The things I have been looking for are the things I don't need. The things I haven't been looking for are the things I need.

I'm not seeking love not because I don't believe I need it it's just not something I care for. I'm avoiding relationships because I am avoiding love at a time when I need it the most. I don't understand it at all. I have been living my life pursuing the things that I don't need when I should have been pursuing the things that I do my best to avoid. I should be pursuing a career as a writer but I have been worrying about temporarily hustling to make enough money just to get by day to day. I'm a writer. I have been put on this earth to write but for whatever reason it's what I have avoided my entire life. The things that are necessities are the things that I avoid the most. The things that aren't that important to my livelihood are the things that for whatever reason I have been pursuing the most. Women, making money fast and just partying to have fun that will only last a few hours. I don't get it what am I programmed this way. I am twenty five years old and I have been living that kind of lifestyle for twenty five years now it's time that I stop it. I can no longer live my life pursuing things that do not matter to me. The necessities are what will make me happy like falling in love. I don't care who you are we all need it. However the most important necessity in my life is being a published author which has been my dream for more than a dozen years now. It's time that I make my dream a reality and I will do that by waking up from my dream and pursuing my goals without allowing anyone or anything to get in my way. I have always allowed other people's issues to get in the way of my own. When someone needed money I gave them the money they needed even in situations where I needed the money just as bad. I have any children and I'm not indebted to anyone therefore I am only living for me. The people who I thought I meant the most to are the people who are turning their backs on me first. Therefore I'm living for me and no one else. My problems comes first. My life goals will come before anyone else's. You can call that selfish well I've been the opposite way until this day and that hasn't gotten me anywhere. Now it's time that all changes.